Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Rules for Surviving Your Job

1.  Customers are NOT people.  They are savages.  Expect them to act accordingly.
2.  Only be rude to rude people.  Being rude to polite people will turn them into rude people.
3.  You probably won't have this job forever.  Cheer up.
4.  Remember- it's you against the customer, not you against your coworkers.
5.  It helps to have codewords, as dorky as it sounds.  You can talk shit to your coworkers in front of the offending savage.
6.  Managers are NOT there to help you.  They are there to make sure you don't steal or burn the place down.
7.  A 10 minute bathroom break every day adds up.  If you work 5 days a week, you get paid for 43.3 hours a year for being in the bathroom.  Bring a book.
8.  Mangers are usually petty.  Appeal to their "authority" and they become very pliable.
9.  Learn your job description.  Stick to that job description.  (I was hired to work in the deli but I am often asked to help out in the freezers.  Not gonna happen.)
10.  Learn company rules.  There's a lot they haven't thought of yet that you can do to keep occupied.  For instance:

I warn nearly every customer about the DiHydrogen Monoxide (H2O) that's found in their meat, pesticides, and even many reservoirs!  And did you know that if you inhale even a liter of it, it will kill you?!

15 comments:

  1. Yuo've scared me from ever working or eating ._. .

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  2. You've got a bit of bile in your system. I'm glad this blog helped you vent it out, sir / ma'am. I feel much better from reading it working as a CSR Billing / Tech support agent for a Fortunate 500 company hahah

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  3. Thanks for the advice. I hope I'll survive.

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  4. leaching of your parents totally beats work . You win money in exchange for nothing ...except dignity

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  5. wow scary but true, thanks dude im following :)

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  6. I've lived by those rules while at work. If you plan the toilet breaks well you can get out of doing the worst small jobs.

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  7. Great post sometimes at work i just can't take it anymore and i feel like chocking someone!

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  8. won't be working for 1/2 years but good advice nonetheless. good stuff to keep in mind

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  9. #7 is my favorite, although i would never go #2 in a public bathroom.

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  10. Lol, love the tip about H20. And from retail experience, customers are not people unless they prove otherwise.

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  11. Haha this post is pretty funny. Customers are not people....Classic :D

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  12. Seriously funny stuff there man

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